Comfort vs Courage: Week 3

We have identified our fear / discomfort. We have attached it to a value. We know why it is important to us. The question still remains... How do we address it? How do we possibly face something that creates incredible discomfort within us?

The answer, my friends, is very simple in theory and challenging in execution.

Pema Chodron has a wonderful story about how to conquer fear. In this story, a heroine is charged with battling fear. When she asks Fear, itself, how she can possibly defeat it, Fear responds: "“My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.”

Simple, right?

Let's break this down. Fear says that these are its weapons:

• "I talk fast" - We can feel this when we think about a fear or discomfort. The thoughts in our head start spinning so quickly, it is hard to keep track of them.
• "I get very close to your face" - Perhaps you can remember that constriction and almost claustrophobic feeling of fear / discomfort. This feeling makes us feel small and even a little frozen. 

The results of these weapons? "You get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say." We get panicked by the frantic thoughts and the seeming lack of space. Just to make these things go away, we give in to whatever the thoughts are saying. Don't go to the party because you have to parallel park? You got it! Avoid the mountain bike because you are too scared of falling into cactus? Sounds completely reasonable. In this way, Fear wins.

The solution is also stated in this little story. You are allowed to listen to Fear. You are allowed to even believe everything Fear says. You don't have to ignore Fear. Isn't this a relief! Thank goodness I don't have to somehow eliminate all of these crazy thoughts. They are allowed to be here! In addition, I can even be convinced of all of the thoughts. I don't have to fight against them!

The only thing you are asked to do: "Don't do what I say." If we accomplish this, Fear has no power.

I can believe that parallel parking will be the end of me. I can agree that avoiding the party downtown is the absolute best answer. Even at this point, I still have two options. I can do what Fear says and decline the invitation, thereby preserving my fear. Or, I can agree wholeheartedly with what Fear is saying...and then ignore Fear's advice. I can agree that I would prefer to avoid parallel parking, but then attempt it anyway. 

This is how we conquer Fear.

Is it easy? Nope.

Will we fail and give in to Fear? Undoubtedly, from time to time.

Will we get stronger and more resilient the more often we attempt this? Oh yes.

As usual, the answer here is awareness. If we are unaware of what is happening - of how Fear is operating in our minds and decisions - then we will continue nurturing Fear. When we become aware that the thoughts are just thoughts, when we realize that we get to choose our actions regardless of what the thoughts are saying, when we do not do what Fear is telling us, now we have stepped into a position of control. Fear no longer has power over us.

This, my courageous buddies, is what we are going to attempt. Next week is our final week of this challenge. Make your plan this week. What is one action you can take that will allow you to practice the skill of hearing Fear, being convinced by Fear, but not doing what Fear says? Remember your value from last week. Lean into this value as you move towards Fear.

Assignment:

1. Make a note of your plan on the poster in the studio. 
2. We are in this together. Find a buddy from the poster. Encourage them!